TRANSCRIPT:

Hara Estroff Marano
A lot of what I’ve heard at the conference so far has been that as Judith has said, the goals are shared by the generations, but the means of reaching each of the generations differs. But Judith, what I hear you saying is that you need to create this shared mission, and some of it is going to require interpersonal skill. Is that something that we’re losing in well, Hannah, I’m gonna have to call on you as our, Gen Y, expert. Are we losing this skill because of the preference for texting and electronics as right arm.

Hannah Seligson
Yeah. Well, so look, email is a great wall to hide behind, you know. You have a problem with someone, you email them as opposed to dealing with it face to face and so, yeah, I think that my generation probably could use a tune up course and dealing with really difficult interpersonal situations at work with a difficult boss with, you know, a coworker, all of these things. And then I think the digital age has has been a a crutch for us, myself include you know, I’m not wagging my finger at at everyone else because these are things that I personally struggle with too. So, yes. A hundred percent.

Hara Estroff Marano
So So it’s not just talking to to Gen Ed Gen Y by their preferred means of communication, but somehow moving them along into, interpersonal skills.

Hannah Seligson
That’s right. And, I’m sure I’m sure every generation, I’m sure Brian and everyone would agree. I mean, couldn’t all the generations use a sort of

Judith Sills, PhD
A tune up communication skills every single one of us needs a tune up one. Right. I don’t I mean, maybe you can you can hide behind the inability to face something difficult whether you use email to hide behind it or not is maybe not the point. But one thing that is very positive is that since we know this huge generation coming into the workforce will be highly motivated if they form one or two significant individual mentoring bonds, like their mom and dad, duh. And we know that if you give them that, if they listen, if someone cares, that person can help them with, I know it’s a jerky project, but we’re all in it together and I appreciate your time. Instead of stonewalling them Right. They will they have individual loyalty more than brand loyalty. It’s like they’ve said to us, here’s what we need and we turn around and go, well, we don’t think you should need that. We didn’t need it and we don’t think you should need it and that is never a smart strategy.

Hara Estroff Marano
Where does this leave Gen X? Because I think the implication of what you’re talking about is bond between Boomer, Gen Y.

Judith Sills, PhD
They’re so tired. They are just born to a class. Dealing with crying kids and vomit. Okay. I get it.

Hannah Seligson
That my biggest and I’ll just speak personally and very generally here, and that my my biggest problems in my workplace issues have been between Gen Y and Gen Xers and the sort of competition between and I hate to say this because it’s cliche, but between women who are a little bit older, who are sort of in the next generation. And I think it’s easier with, you know, gen y’s and boomers who are like, oh, I have kids your age. I get it. And I think that that actually is the biggest tension point. Again, anecdotal, just my experience, and I and I I also see this, you know, my husband’s biggest problem in his workplace is a guy who’s 10:10 years older than he is and all of the other older guys are his mentors. So I think that this is yeah.

Bryan Dik, PhD
There’s a sense in which the exers really would like to

Hannah Seligson
see No. Why do you hate us?

Bryan Dik, PhD
You gotta pay your dues. Right?

Hara Estroff Marano
Yeah.

Bryan Dik, PhD
I mean, you just gotta pay your dues. That’s I I think it’s important to point out in this discussion.

Hannah Seligson
But wait,

Judith Sills, PhD
but Brian,

Hannah Seligson
I want to press you on this. You think it’s just that we have to that you think gen wires come across as too entitled. They want to leapfrog the corporate ladder. So Gen Xers are the ones who are, like, you know

Hara Estroff Marano
Bypassed. Yeah.

Bryan Dik, PhD
You know, it’s funny. I I I teach Gen Gen Gen X, all the time. And I say, I love them.

Hara Estroff Marano
Yeah.

Bryan Dik, PhD
The vast majority of them are great. But there are a handful that really strive to live out every bad stereotype.

Hara Estroff Marano
That I’ve written about. Yes. Right.

Bryan Dik, PhD
Right. You’re gonna make us a practice exam. Right? What do you mean you’re not gonna us a you’re not gonna make us a practice exam? Well, do you know what’s involved in making an exam? You think I have time to make a and then on my course evaluations, he wouldn’t even make us a practice

Hara Estroff Marano
rate my professor for eternity.

Bryan Dik, PhD
So that that’s it’s it’s those folks. But I I will say

Hannah Seligson
It’s like an annoying younger sibling dynamic.

Bryan Dik, PhD
Sure. And it’s it’s it’s very important to recognize that anytime you talk about differences between groups, just to recognize that the differences between people within a group are always greater than the differences between groups.

Hannah Seligson
Right.

Bryan Dik, PhD
Right? And so when we’re talking about an individual, you still have to interact with that individual as a unique person who may or may not

Hara Estroff Marano
Right.

Bryan Dik, PhD
Be a badge wearer for all of the pros and cons of that generation.

Judith Sills, PhD
So you but that’s very interesting that you said that because when I started off on this panel, of course, the first thing I thought is maybe this is all just developmental. This is what people are like in their twenties and thirties versus forties and fifties. Maybe this is all like one of those made up things. But the really more I read the research, the more convinced I was that we do have very profound identities with our cohort and that our expectations of our cohort were formed by our peers. That’s who we are, who our peers are, and there are distinct peer differences. And one of the things that you just pointed out is, so you get a boomer woman, and maybe she didn’t have her kids, or if she did have her kids, she never mentioned them at the office. She did not make the partner track by having a picture of those two, and she didn’t, and somebody else took them to a doctor’s appointment, and she sacrificed. She barely met them. Now, comes this next generation and they’re like, there’s a doctor’s appointment today and I’ll be leaving because she’s in the school play and that older mother who who sacrificed in that way, didn’t have that support, it she her heart is not open. She’s not, oh my god, I think you’re a better mother than I was to. She’s not. She’s like, why do you get it if I didn’t get it? Which is exactly to use the model, do you remember when, doctors would have internship training and all interns had to work like four days on, twelve hours off, seven you

Hara Estroff Marano
know, because

Judith Sills, PhD
it’s hard to read.

Hara Estroff Marano
And screwed up everything. I I

Judith Sills, PhD
I I screwed up everything. Who cares? Because that’s how we did it. And the older generation of doctors said, if you had no sleep for that year, you’ll have no sleep for that year. That went on for a long time. And and doctor said, that’s just how it had to be till the interns went like this. We’re not gonna do that anymore. And thank you so much, but we know you did sacrifice.

Hannah Seligson
Until it was legally sanctioned that they couldn’t also work Exactly. For all the benefits because it was putting patients at risk.

Judith Sills, PhD
That was but that was part of how they politicized. They used a lot of forces, but the basic force was, I know you guys sacrificed. Too bad you were wimps. Too bad you put up with it. I’m not putting up with it. So Gen X has basically said to this older generation women, I know you were hanging on by your fingernails. You’re our mother, we never saw you. As far as I’m concerned, I’m not doing that to my kids. Now, I might be overdoing with my kids. That’s another story. But, that’s a hard bonus for an older generation to make peace with that you get what I didn’t get. So, there’s a grudging feeling in there. It’s just it’s just hard.

Hara Estroff Marano
Yes. I mean, you bring up a very important point because it isn’t strictly developmental, that the twenty something is going to adopt eventually, sooner or later with more or less of a struggle, the values of the fifty year old. The culture is changing and the culture is changing very rapidly and that’s a very important force impinging on people. And if I hear you correctly, what you’re saying is we shouldn’t hold it against any member of any generation, for their particular location, on the cultural developmental, trajectory that these are forces that we really have to

Judith Sills, PhD
deal with and let’s get rid of attitude. Thirty Deal with sack. With couples and working with these people holding something against someone for how they feel even though how they feel is always wrong. You know, it’s it’s it’s like any marriage counseling. Your partner thinks what they think and they’re wrong. Let’s just start with that. This is just sort of generational marriage counseling. People think and feel what they That’s a a

Hara Estroff Marano
a a good way to think about it.

Judith Sills, PhD
They they are who we are. This is my emotional reaction. Let me see if I can find a way to bridge the gap and benefits, cultural shifts, community building, listening, putting together the baseball game on Saturday for the team that got the most, I don’t know what, points or the pizza party. These things make a difference for everybody.

Hannah Seligson
Right. But I’m gonna also go back to childcare for because, yeah, I think the baseball games, the peeps, I I think that they’re all they’re all important in the doggy daycare and everything, but I think that they they they they they they and the hairdresser. Right. But I think the the sort of the essential benefit for my generation is gonna be child care. No doubt. Hands down.

Hara Estroff Marano
Good good place to stop. We all agree on this.

Judith Sills, PhD
We do.

Hara Estroff Marano
Good place to stop because we’d like to entertain your questions.